Tuesday through today has been beyond perfect. I’ve started my summer out right. Good friends, good parties, baseball, family, and my amazing boyfriend. Tonights party was awesome, Bennett’s family sure knows how to celebrate haha. I’m also balancing my time between looking for jobs, going to grahams baseball tournaments, and hanging out with my friends. I am determined not to...
thepretendr: “Swearing is unattractive” I’m not attractive anyway so fuck off
stressing the fuck out about money right now. im too young for this.
internetexplorers: mom please laugh at my jokes
twiistz: i met a girl with 12 nipples sounds funny dozen tit
a-spider: Its hard to be confident when you know you’re ugly
ernbarassing: “Is it push or pull” I panic to myself as the doors come closer
zeuspiss: im sorry… … i got some bad news… … . drinking tea doesn’t make you anymore intelligent or cultural. i know. take your time.
meladoodle: no no no officer you don’t understand, this is medicinal meth
subject13fringe: montypythonandtheholyblog: today I learned that if you want to slash someone’s tires, don’t slash all four; only slash three because if you slash all four their insurance will pay for it but if you only slash three they have to pay for it all out of pocket ❤
Teachers can be bullies too.
beatledork: g-i-l-b-e-r-t-n-i-g-h-t-r-a-y: fitfeelsbetterthanskinny: dontstop-fitnessprincess: I think a lot more schools need to address this, teachers can be bullies also but rarely get caught out because it’s adults word over a child’s word. THIS^^ third grade was hell because everyone thought i was exaggerating In sixth grade, I had a teacher scream at me several times a week for...
I’m literally my own best friend like I have inside jokes with myself and sometimes I’ll think something funny and start laughing out loud at how funny I am
Graduation was just so perfect. It even made me cry a little. Everybody is growing up. I saw and hugged some people that I didn’t think I’d get to see. Some people that saw me and hugged me even surprised me like Clifton and Alexis. Not that I’m complaining of course, I like both of them a lot, especially considering I’ve grown up with alexis. It just makes me realize that...
icicleman: thatpunnyguy: what does Batman like to put in his drinks? JUST ICE GET OUT
tupacabra: when my mom was pregnant she would put a walkman up to her stomach and play cher’s greatest hits and she apologizes for it every day because she thinks that’s what made me gay
horribleawfulcunt: niamliveslarryloves: basedgosh: i hate one direction fans so much i need my whole room to cool down but no this damn thing only blows one way I literally had to read that 5 times… oh my god
sansaofhousestark: arianne—martell: Every time I think of the black market, I actually imagine a market, with little stalls selling illegal things like nuclear weapons and organs.
galifianafuck: a new brownie mix recipe called “robert brownie jr”
iamonlydorb: sucysucyfivedolla: the inside of your butt is warm enough to hardboil an egg oh no I’m not falling for this one again
*Mom hands me phone to answer*
Telemarketer: Hello, is your mother home?
Me: I have no mother.
Her: Well can I speak to your father?
Me: Yeah, which one?
Her: Which one is home?
Me: Well they're both home..but I don't think you want to talk to Carlos. He just went through a breakup with his boyfriend, Antonio.
Her: Oh, so your fathers' names are Carlos and Antonio?
Me: No, no! My fathers' names are Carlos and Mark.
Her: So who's Antonio?
Me: I just told you, Carlos's ex.
Her: So Carlos was cheating?
Me: Yes, but that's only because Mark was cheating with Edith, our neighbor.
Her: So Carlos cheated only because Mark cheated?
Me: No, he THOUGHT Mark was cheating.
Her: So Mark wasn't cheating?
Me: I never said that.
Her: Yes, yes you did!
Me: No I didn't.
Her: Y-yes! You did!
Me: Did what?
Her: Y-you- Never mind have a nice day, goodbye.
robertoluongo: in grade 8 i did a power point presentation on “whooping cough” and my opening slide was a photo of whoopi goldberg coughing and i was the only person who laughed at it and i couldnt start the presentation for like five minutes because i was laughing too hard at my own joke
sherlockedbyphaninthetardis: davedirk: davedirk: lauraforgood: m33wlin: WE WERE WATCHING THIS MOVIE IN GYM AND THE MAIN CHARACTER WAS LIKE “I’M TIRED AND HUNGRY AND HORNY” AND ME AT THIS OTHER CUTE GUY IN THE BACK JUST BOTH GO “SAME” AND LOOK AT EACH OTHER AND I WINKED AND EVERYONE WAS SO UNCOMFORTABLE BUT I WAS LAUGHING REALLY HARD AND THIS IS WHY I DONT HAVE FRIENDS can we have a...